Feed Us A Live Insect

Pretzel Versus Cupcake vote is in

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:34:00 +0000

For those of you who weren't at last week's residency show, we had a little vote to determine the kind of food we're going to serve at next week's show (theme: PROM). Despite our dictatorial leanings that night I can honestly and solemnly declare that the results are in and involve no tampering whatsoever on our part.

I can also tell you that it was a landslide! Between homemade cupcakes and homemade pretzels the vote was 18 to 3 in favor of...PRETZELS. So the people have spoken.

Don't forget: formal attire is requested.

Tips For Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:25:00 +0000

Return of the Dictators tonight at Pehrspace

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 21:23:00 +0000

Hi everyone!

Tonight we're continuing our residency at Pehrspace with works from the "Our Tears Have Wings" era and the "You Look Good On The Train" EP.
Yes, tonight's the night for "We Fell Dead" and, if you've ever seen its video, you know what that means:

We also feature a guest spot from Mr.
Andy Bollas on twin bass and performances from The Voyeurs, Shirley Rolls, Fertile Crescent, and the sure-to-be-legendary Jim Merson’s Monster Mash!!!!

It's $5, it's all ages! ALSO! I know some of you have noticed the wonderful fabric wristband thingies that Sean uses in lieu of an ink stamp to indicate that you've paid your five bucks. For our residency we've been providing our own wristbands--fake fur for week one, glowsticks for week two.
We've got something extra special for this week but we only have 70 of them and they've sold out (so to speak) every week so far, so if you want one, please be sure to show up early for The Voyeurs!

Much love,

-Eli, Mary, Ashley, and Tom (and Andy)
The Monolators

Pehrspace week two photos

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:37:00 +0000

Some wonderful wonderful photos have shown up from the set at last week's residency show--here are some favorites, first from Sean Carnage's site (quote: "November Is Totally Kicking Ass"):

Sci-fi wristbands!

The general mis-en-scene at Pehrspace--note dangling day-glo planetary installations and lone, feeble flourescent black light. Still looked amazing, though!

Billygoat with Mary Monolator performing the mysterious Slide Projector dance.

The very much one and only Karen Centerfold.

Ema of Ema & The Ghosts & Cobra Lilies on whisting for "Tiny Bicycles"

Cobra Lilies on vocals for "Santa Claus Versus Dave Matthews"

David from Billygoat on glockenspiel for our version of "Best Friends In Space"

And from Classical Geek Theater:

I like how this one has a fragment of Ashley's bass & hair and my prominent, white butt.

Thanks Sean and Mouse!

online store up & working

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:12:00 +0000

Hi everyone:

We've got our cardboard mailers at the ready in case you want to buy a physical copy of one of our records or cd's, including the new Don't Dance LP--and we're going to get our t-shirts up there soon. Please hit us up, I actually like going to the post office...

The store is here:

http://monolators.bigcartel.com/products

Residency week two in review

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:17:00 +0000

The theme for week two of our Pehrspace residency was, in case you missed it, outer space. Mary and Ashley (and Ema on guest vocals) wore sequins; I wore my best attempt at Barbarella fashion, with white pants, white motorcycle jacket, a grey pajama/Star Wars-esque shirt with white piping, and (courtesy of Ema) glitter antennae. Mary hung day-glo planets, stars, and...er...long squiggly spirally things from the ceiling and put up a flourescent black light bulb--which sort of made the planets glow in a feeble sort of way. We also hung up large watercolors of the girl and monster from the "Best Friends In Space" single cover. Wristbands this week were cheap glowstick bracelets.

Billygoat started the night with their magnificent 17-minute animated projection opus, with Nick and David providing dreamy synth-fuzz bass-and glockenspiel live accompaniment. The room was packed for them and utterly quiet throughout the entire show--apparently Sean had trouble finding anyone to watch the door because everyone wanted to watch Billygoat. They very, very sweetly ended their set with a cover of "Best Friends In Space," which utterly demolishes ours, and also medley'd in a few verses of "Sleep the Clock Around" by Belle & Sebastian--all while Mary Monolator performed a sequined slide projector dance! Actually I'd say it was less a Dance than a Sway.

Manhattan Murder Mystery went on next, introduced in slightly rambling fashion by one Karen Centerfold. She mentioned that the band were named after a Woody Allen movie, which apparently is true--for some reason I had it in my mind that they were named after a track on the third Velvet Underground record, which, I now realize, is actually called "The Murder Mystery." This bums me out slightly, but no matter! The MMM were magnificent, and extra cool because of Don of Don's Music on bongos! Even if, as Mouse says, it was a slightly off night for them, it was still one of the best sets I've seen of any band this year...

The Heath Club are old friends from the Mr. T's scene, and I think this might have been the first time I've seen them play outside of Eagle Rock/Highland Park. They played beautifully, and, as Mouse says, 'I will publicly complain on this blog after until "Swim" is recorded.' Except that I DID record it on 4 track on Monday! Does the HC want to hear it? It, uh, sounds like a 4 track recording.

Then it was us, and we played a few more tracks from Rejection (Summertime In My Car, Tiny Bicycles) before moving on to the Tears era. Except that I forgot to call out "Our Tears Have Wings," so we didn't play that one! Idiot! Well, maybe next week. We were very ably assisted by Ema on whistling for "Tiny Bicycles," Ema, Arlene, Jesse, and Jade on background vocals for "Santa Claus Versus Dave Matthews," and David from Billygoat on glockenspiel for our version of "Best Friends In Space." Speaking of the latter song, I'd gotten pretty well sick of playing it for a LONG time, but after putting it away for a while it felt pretty cathartic, especially that last verse. Thanks so much to everyone who stayed to watch!

Finally rounding out the night was 60-Watt Kid, who were pretty astonishing (I think they run their entire band through a Space Echo), except that the guitar player's amp blew up just a few minutes into their set, blowing fuses and taking a lot of Pehrspace's lights out with it in the process. We smelled smoke and wondered if the place was actually on fire--it wasn't, but it kind of threw a wrench into the proceedings. I very much want to see them play another set to get the full effect.

NEXT WEEK: Mr. Andy Bollas joins us on bass, we move on to the "Train" period, and the dictator costumes come back out again...

from an undisclosed location...

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:30:00 +0000

...comes these two videos, courtesy of an agent whose identity must remain secret for her own protection. Thank you mysterious benefactor!

Video--Pehrspace 11-3-08

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:25:00 +0000

A million thanks to Elaine Layabout for shooting this footage, which is a good chunk of our first week at Pehrspace! Incidentally, if you hadn't heard, Elaine has been banned from shooting video at Spaceland, The Echo, and The Echoplex by Spaceland Productions--and ordered to take down all of her archives shot at those venues. This is a big problem for bands like us, who benefited greatly from the exposure via youtube clips of, say, our release show with a gong and nine bassists (yes, that's gone) or playing "We Fell Dead" with Castledoor. Elaine says:

i have been ordered to remove all of the echo, echoplex and spaceland vidis from my youtube archive, and while many of you have asked that i resist, fight the power, and strike a blow for free speech, i am now taking them down, one sweet memory at a time . . . i am, alas, a lover, not a fighter

now, i have said this before and i will say it again: i did not profit from making my vidis, and i took care to promote the venues and producers, as well as the bands . . . my sole purpose was to encourage folks to attend live music events, because one day i got tired of standing through great shows at places like the echo and spaceland with only ten other patrons . . . more, in elaine layabout's world, is always merrier

More discussion is here on Classical Geek Theater. I suggest that bands playing at these venues remember this when asked to sign a Spaceland Recordings contract. Fortunately Pehrspace is not part of Spaceland Productions, so we're still able to share this with you. Again, many thanks, Elaine.

Because wolves and shirts are shapes

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:44:00 +0000

http://www.birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm

Web In Front interview + live tracks

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:48:00 +0000

Hi everyone! A quick note that, on the eve of our second Pehrspace residency show, Travis from Web In Front has very kindly posted a nice interview with us--please check it out. Also, you might be interested to know that I taped our set from last week (as I will tape tonight's set and our other residency shows) on my 4 track, and Travis posted mp3's of two songs from the tape at the end of the interview...I think the whole show will come out eventually, but this is a little taste.

Pehrspace photos

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 15:59:00 +0000

Some lovely writeups and photos from the first Pehrspace show have shown up on Sean Carnage's site and Classical Geek Theater. Here's some of my favorites from Sean's post on "Mono-vember":

And here's some great pictures from Classical Geek Theater's super nice writeup--thanks Mouse!

Pretty Freakin' Awesome, Dear Readers

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 23:11:00 +0000

I am currently listening to the soundtrack of "Wizard People, Dear Readers," which is an unauthorized alternate narration/audio track to the first Harry Potter movie, created by one Brad Neely. It's meant to be played while watching the movie with the sound off, Wizard Of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon-style. I have never seen any of the HP movies, but no matter, you can listen to it by itself and it's pretty freakin' awesome.

Some quotes:

Harry, in a spiral of depression, turns to the escape of the world of miniature equine aficionada. He produces many a Wine-out-of-Nowhere Spell and is drunk every day before noon.

and

Harry feels right with himself. He's down there, a new god who has found a calling.

He holds up that Snitch and bellows:

'I am a beautiful animal!

'I am a destroyer of worlds!

'I am Harry Fucking Potter!'

And, dear readers, at last the world was quiet.

There are links to the audio track (and a full transcript) on this wikipedia page.

Plastic Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:57:00 +0000

We're going to debut a new Xmas song called "Hot Sleigh" at our final Pehrspace residency show at the end of the month, but, briefly: it was created for this project:

Plastic Snow is a compilation cd created by Laura, who blogs as Confessions Of A Would-Be Hipster. It's made up of local bands (tons of them: Earlimart, Great Northern, Hectors, I Make This Sound, Fol Chen, Breakups, Sweet Hurt...etc. etc. etc.) playing Christmas songs. All profits from sales of the cd go to benefit Los Angeles' longest running homeless shelter, Midnight Mission. I am extremely proud that Laura chose to include us, and am also quite proud of Hot Sleigh (even if it was recorded and mixed, rather obviously, by us in our garage) and would be even more proud if you'd all go buy a copy of the cd, which is available for sale here. To be perfectly clear: neither Laura nor ourselves will receive a penny in profits from this release. Thanks once more to Laura for including us, I think Hot Sleigh is quite the HJ!

Note: this is, as far as I know, the first Monolators song to be issued on disc by someone other than ourselves!

Residency week one in review

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:41:00 +0000

First of all, yes.

Second of all, thanks to all who came out to Pehrspace this past Monday for the first installment of our November residency--extra special thanks to Mike Dennis for reuniting the Monolators of olden days and staying out real late to sit in--and of course to Cupcake the Bear for making his/her/its (?) cameo. I HAVE NO PICTURES YET FROM THIS EVENT! If anyone has some, please please forward them! It's mail (at) themonolators (dot) com. I know the inestimable Elaine Layabout has some video footage, so when she's ready to upload it I'll post it here.

Creekbird appeared, resplendent in pith helmet, red sunglasses, stripy socks, and wonderful two-tone blue suede shoes. I thought I had the best blue shoes of the night (mine are pointy) but I think he beat me. He also had an adorable 1/2 size stratocaster type guitar that did not seem to want to stay in tune. He played to a backing track, which was quite astonishing but sadly obscured most of his vocals. I was watching his left hand and it appears to me that Creekbird has a quite advanced grasp of chording--I tend to hold onto one simple chord for as long as possible but Creekbird switches it up like an old-time jazzer--maybe from all of that ukulele playing? He's got a lovely guitar style and I'd love to hear it without all of the backing tracks sometime. IN FACT I recall seeing him play a show a year back or so at Pehrspace with nothing but a tiny 1/2-sized acoustic guitar (I see a theme here) and it was my favorite show of his that I've seen. Maybe I could convince him to come over and record a few songs that way on the old 4-track in our living room. CREEKBIRD ARE YOU READING THIS?

Next was Kyle Mabson, who I believe went under the name of Ascension To Jazz? Without the question mark, I mean--I was trying to indicate indecisiveness on my part. It was a relatively brief free-jazz workout with Pehrspace soundman Kyle on drums (with double kick pedals--terrifyingly loud, but fantastic and awe-inspiring), a fellow playing a droney, bassy keyboard part, and Sean Carnage himself on squawking tenor sax and Creekbird on trumpet. I did manage to make a tape of this if anyone wants to hear it (I tried recording Creekbird too but since his vocals were mixed a bit low with the backing tracks through the PA feed, all you really hear on the tape are the backing tracks).

Then was Zombelle, who played Velvetsy gothic drummerless rock with three singers and were lead by a woman who strongly reminded me of Siouxsie Sioux. Most of the singers, plus the bassist, had interesting black shiny makeup on, some masklike on their faces, others glovelike on their hands. At first I thought they were wearing skintight leather gloves, but now I'm not sure--it looked too much like skin. Some kind of black latex? Anyone? I'm admittedly out of the loop on this. The guitar player had this wonderful 60's Teisco-ish guitar but had forgotten his strap so he borrowed Creekbird's--Creekbird has huge musical notes emblazoned on his strap, which didn't quite fit the gothic theme, amusingly.

Right before us was Pizza! I taped their set too--guys do you want to hear it? I think I'll give it to you whether you want it or not. This was one of my favorite sets of theirs that I've seen. I kinda wish I was in this band but I AM TOO OLLLLLLD. I am sorry we broke your mallets! HJ. Hot Jam.

And then we played and THANK YOU ALL FOR STAYING! That was super sweet of you. Obviously I taped the set and I listened to the tape last night and it sounds SURPRISINGLY AWESOME. For a 2-track recording (mics on the amps would've been great, but I don't have the resources really). It captures both versions of Spandex Hitman (we finished the first one and then Tom said 'let's do that again,' so we did. I messed up the lyrics the second time through though). It would be amazing to put this show out as a 12" LP--I love the sound and, of course, it has almost the entire personnel of the band, past and present (Andy is going to play on the third week, so he'll be accounted for later). Anyone have a spare $1500 they'd like to hand over for this? Maybe I could post it here as an mp3, anyway.

NEXT WEEK: we finish up the Rejection Set Me Free-era tracks and move on to Best Friends In Space territory.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: LA Underground has posted a couple of pics from our set and Pizza!'s . I hope they don't mind if I repost them here. HI CUPCAKE!!!

Original Monolators guitarist Mike Dennis to my left

Cupcake the Bear in diaper and bow. The whole reason for the diaper is that I have a distinct childhood memory of being sick and watching odd daytime television featuring a bear cub in a diaper--it was supposed to be cute and appealing but I found it terrifying. A thousand thanks to Agnes Lily for giving life to Cupcake.

Pizza!

His shirt says "Sweet Home AlObama." I believe McCain took Alabama but it didn't matter in the end. Perhaps if McCain had a Madonna-style headphone mic he would've won.

Cupcake's first Monolators appearance. YES that is indeed Aki Lily:

The Archaeology of the Monolators

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:10:00 +0000

The Archaeology of the Monolators, a catalog to accompany the exhibition curated by Dr. Sean Carnage, Pehrspace, November 2008.

Nestled somewhere ‘twixt the Mezotonic Era, when spiders of terrible size and ferocity roamed the earth and carved out ocean bed and mountain range alike with their fiery breath, and the Present Time, wherein men and ladies of Science discovered the Secret of Electricity and the extra month after Christmas, lies the Age of the Monolator–when frail, sickly fops of terrible size and ferocity roamed the earth and carved out ocean bed and mountain range alike with their fiery breath. In this new, weekly exhibition, we attempt to uncover the true history of this little-known age, and reveal the civilizations and appurtenances that flourished therein.

Most scholars, barring a rogue and fanatic few, divide the chronology of the Monolators into four distinct dynasties, or epochs. We commence, therefore, at the beginning, and note that all dates, places, and musical depictions are strictly approximate.

Week One: Prehistory and Rejection (representing the years 2002-2004)

In this first exhibition, we review the dawn of the Era and the musical detritus remaining thereof. In this earliest incarnation the Monolators took a tri-fold form, with a standard drum and bass configuration (originally represented by Dr. Mary Chartkoff and her menial day laborer Eli respectively) augmented by the presence of an electric guitar, originally in the hands of the esteemed Sir Michael Dennis, whose performance tonight represents his first stage appearance in several years. [Editor’s note: Although not technically correct in historical terms, for the purposes of enhanced fidelity we gladly note the presence of Dr. Ashley Jex and the Marquis Thomas von Bogdon on bass and electric guitar respectively. Dr. Mary will oversee the percussion ensemble while Eli will provide an additional guitar chores and light caterwauling.] The major work of the period, Rejection Set Me Free, is broached, preceded by two minor compositions of slightly earlier vintage, the now almost totally obscure “Spandex Hitman” and “In My Dreams.”

Also of note for the week is the unique recreation of the popular hymn, “Take It Outside,” along with its beloved mascot, Cupcake The Bear. Cupcake will make a special appearance to assist in the celebration of birthday festivities for the Curator, Dr. Carnage. Light refreshments will be served.

This week’s featured symposia:
Pizza
Mabson
Zombelle

Week Two: Rejection Inevitably Followed by Tears (2005-2006)

For our second week we examine the remainder of the Rejection strata and the metamorphosis of the trio format into a simple duo, resulting (among other things) in the document entitled Our Tears Have Wings. Whereas live performances of this epoch were strictly confined to drums and guitar, the historically-correct studio presence of von Bogdon is once again represented by the Marquis himself in live setting, and the gracious, post-contemporaneous contributions of Sir Dennis and Dr. Jex are faithfully depicted.

Of especial note is the aesthetic preference of the age for artifacts of outer space exploration, and the resulting (and uncharacteristically lengthy) dirge “Let’s Be Best Friends In Space” will be unearthed, although sadly without the accompaniment of a 350-member children’s choir as originally intended. The ensemble is also pleased to present the spirited holiday ode “Santa Claus Versus Dave Matthews.”

This week’s featured symposia:
60watt kid
Health club
Manhattan Murder Mystery
Billygoat

Week Three: In the Time of the Train (approximately 2006-2007)

After reviewing the remainder of Our Tears Have Wings, we examine the curious transition to the four-song disc You Look Good On The Train, wherein the dominant duo format finally gave way to trio once more, with bass guitar accompaniment provided by the enigmatic captain of industry and Co-Chair of the 8-Bit Foundation, Mr. Andrew Bollas.

The Train disc will be performed in its (admittedly brief) entirety, and the office of Mr. Bollas has issued a notarized document indicating that the distinguished gentleman will assist in multiple bass executions of several popular titles, including the oft-represented “We Fell Dead.” The theme for the week is Volume.

This week’s featured symposia:
Fertile crescent
Shirley rolls
The Voyeurs

Week Four: Promenade, or Don’t Dance Into The Future (2008-present)

The familiar quartet format is established, resulting in the period-correct ensemble now upon the bandstand. The theme for the week is Promenade, or Prom for short, and is intended to provide a semi-formal Ball experience for several distinguished visiting academics whose original prom experiences as undergraduates were, reportedly, limited to not actually attending. Appropriate dress is requested, although it is noted that the theme of the dance is: Don’t Dance. In anticipation of the approaching holidays, a brand-new Christmas-themed composition, “Hot Sleigh,” shall receive its debut public performance. Thus the exhibition closes.

The final week’s featured symposia:
Icy Demons
Kevin shields
Milton Melvin Croissant
Ema and the Ghosts

Radio Free Silverlake interview, and Yeti Crabs

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 23:16:00 +0000

Hi all:

The very sweet and dapper gentleman known far and wide as Joe Fielder was kind enough to do a little interview with us via Radio Free Silverlake--we touch on recording the new album, mermaids and vampires, and special surprises for the show on saturday. Please do take a look here:

http://radiofreesilverlake.blogspot.com/2008/10/interview-monolators.html

Plus, here is the glorious Yeti Crab in all its gloriousness:

Favorite quote from wikipedia article:

The immediate public interest in K. hirsuta, which included a plush toy produced in Japan, led Segonzac to ponder what he called a "cuddly-toy sentimentality" and whether people were trying to "escape the present".

LP giveaway through scenestar.com

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:19:00 +0000

Hi all!

Well, tomorrow is our big Don't Dance release show at Spaceland, which we're very excited about--and furthermore, www.scenestar.com is giving away a bunch of copies of the album for FREE FREE FREE. If you write them they have a number of download codes for a free digital copy of the record, and they also have two vinyl copies to give away as well! Take a look right here:

http://thescenestar.typepad.com/ss/2008/10/contest-monolat.html

I got ink in my hair

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 07:45:00 +0000

So, obviously, we're releasing our new record at our Spaceland show this coming Saturday, and we're hard at work getting the actual records together--the vinyl LP's themselves came back from the pressing plant last week, but we're still working on the covers. Being vaguely ambitious we decided to silkscreen the covers ourselves. The LP's come from the pressing plant in heavy white sleeves (more like cardboard than paper) and we're silkscreening the cover onto a big sheet of paper that will fold around the sleeve--all that will go into a plastic bag.

Our design has two colors (three, actually, counting the white paper), which means two different stencils and two different passes on each piece of paper. This time we're doing the graphics in black and the text in red. The ink for each pass needs to dry overnight--we did a run of the black ink last night and added the red tonight. Some pictures:

Covers drying earlier this morning; these have just the black ink printed so far

Covers hanging up to dry with red ink added

Mary Monolator at the old 8-Bit silkscreen press--she's positioning a cover under the stencil to make sure that the registration lines up properly

It looks impressive but we're only able to do these in small batches--about 40 at a time before we run out of room on our clotheslines. We're trying to have 50 ready for the release show--shouldn't be too hard to squeeze out 10 more. After that I think we're going to try using the same stencils but with different colors of ink.

C-c-c-c-c-obra Lilies on Tuesday!

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:03:00 +0000

Hello dear!

It's me. You know.
Don't you remember? The rubber raft? The Kiss Of Life? The seaweed in your hair? The seaweed EVERYWHERE? No?

Hmmm.

Well.

We should talk. Yes, now.
RIGHT NOW! DON'T CALL ME RETARDED! I KNOW WHAT'S WHAT, YOU YOU YOU YOU HALFWIT! *SOB*

Yes. That's SO much better, thank you. I stuck my tongue on a battery and it's like a little salty reset button for your brain! Everything is clear now! Like crystal.

So, yes. Cobra Lilies are playing a fun old show this coming tuesday! At Mr. T's Bowl. It's with this guy from New York, Lance Romance, and Eli Lily may or may not sit in with Lance's band. Not sure yet. And also with this fellow Featherbeard, who, yes, actually wears a beard of feathers when he plays. We saw him do this at KXLU.
It's true!

So we'd like to see you there! That's all. I need another little reset now.

*zap*

Detour? Evidence!

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:36:00 +0000

Well, the Detour Festival actually went off really really well--I was super pleased. After not having rained in Los Angeles for, oh, 7 months or so, rain chose to make itself available the one and only day of the festival (and then promptly vanished again). And yet, the rain let up as soon as we started playing, and didn't start up again until we stopped.

Tom, as you might have noticed, was absent for the show, being as he is in El Salvador for a few weeks. We were extremely fortunate to have Henry Clay Person Joey and Breakup/I Make This Sounder/Henry Clay Person Jillinda filling in, and it sounded GLORIOUS. Just hearing Mary's kick drum BOOOMING against city hall was priceless. Again, heartfelt thanks for helping us get there!

In case you missed it, here's some footage, courtesy of our dear friend Elaine Layabout:

Pehrspace w/ Sean Carnage tonight

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 01:29:00 +0000

Hello everybody:

Hot on the heels of devouring lobsters in San Pedro, we're playing a wonderful show tonight at Pehrspace with everyone's favorite band, Pizza! (I see a food theme here). It's a Sean Carnage night, and Sean always, always books a great show--if you've never been to one, well, here's your chance.

Of course, I do not blame you AT ALL if you instead choose to be at the Death To Anders show at the Echo. But if your fancy takes you a bit further towards downtown, well, we'll be there.

See you soon!

-Eli, Mary, Ashley, and Tom
The Monolators

Website devoted to Japanese pizzas

I am shocked

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:03:00 +0000

We actually won. I am totally speechless.

An interview with “Quaking Aspen” Hotchkiss, pt. 2

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:08:00 +0000

Continuing our interview with retired Rear Army Major-General Phillip “Quaking Aspen” Hotchkiss, we discuss recent developments in the campaign for the Detour Festival, the General’s practice of apiculture, and the attraction of the undead.

The Monolators: Could you comment on the current state of the contest? It appears that we are tied for first place.

Hotchkiss: Yes, it appears so, although I should point out that I’ve washed my hands of the entire matter, and cannot be held responsible in any legally-binding way.

The Monolators: You’ve become disillusioned with the campaign?

Hotchkiss: You could say that, yes. You could also say that I never really felt at home in the field, as it were, so far from the comforts of home. For instance, the quality of crack that one is forced to subsist on in the army is so inferior to what’s available on any given day here in the alley behind the house that I see no real need to go abroad.

The Monolators: Is the use of controlled substances on the rise in the military?

Hotchkiss: I have a funny story about that. Harry Truman was of course heavily addicted, and once he came to me and said, “Phillip, can’t I please have some crack to help me get through this dratted Potsdam Conference,” except that instead of saying “crack” he spelt it out with a sort of continental flair: “c-r-a-q-u-e.” He was a very dapper gentleman and wanted to appear refined—but he had very small feet, abnormally small for a human being. He had to wear special plastic extensions to walk normally, and of course it was in the big toe that he hid his pipe.

The Monolators: Apart from your military experience you’re also well-known for your contributions in the field of bee-keeping, can you tell us about that?

Hotchkiss: Yes, I have several bees here at the Chateau, I find them absolutely indispensible and terribly fascinating. You know, not many people realize that they come from the forest completely wild, and you’ve got to tame them like you’d break a horse. They’re extremely fierce, with these wild, pale, rolling eyes, and they’ll come at you with their filthy fingernails and teeth and leave quite a scratch, believe me!

But once you can get a loincloth on them they calm down nicely, and you can use them for light entertainment, dancing, what have you, and the females can be quite charming in their savage way. They're very easy to please, just give them some little plastic trinkets for their hair and they'll happily perform all sorts of, er, bare-chested activities, as it were. Of course once they get to be a bit long in the tooth you can set them to work in the mines, and they can even manage some light secretarial duties, which is really very remarkable considering their size.

The Monolators: I don’t think you’re actually talking about bees, though, are you?

Hotchkiss: What makes you say that?

The Monolators: What you seem to be describing is some kind of feral harem girl, whereas a bee is a tiny yellow flying insect.

Hotchkiss: (long pause) Yes, well I’ve got some of those too.

The Monolators: Are these honey bees?

Hotchkiss: They’re actually bile bees, they make bile. Of course the study of insects and pollination is absolutely fascinating. The process is very special, because you know that most flowers contain both female AND male reproductive organs in the same unit, they’re true hermaphrodites, which I think is a fabulous idea for human beings, it would have so many advantages. For one thing I think that the implications of self-impregnation would cut down on masturbation tremendously, it would be a boon for the Church, so I suggest that scientists get to work on this pressing issue right away.

The Monolators: I see. So, what are your plans after the conclusion of the Detour poll?

Hotchkiss: My main priority is to exercise, remain fit, and stay healthy. I feel that in order to ensure a high quality of life for the twilight years in which I now reside, it’s a matter of maintaining what I might term a youthful demeanor: being open to new ideas and new forms of expression, surrounding yourself with young people and, of course, drinking a few pints of the blood of young virgins wouldn’t be remiss either.

The Monolators: Are you advocating, then, the practice of vampirism?

Hotchkiss: Well, I wouldn’t be so blunt as that, I would really say that full-blown vampirism belongs to the professionals, and I’m more of an amateur, a gifted amateur if you like. For instance, rather than subsisting solely on blood I can also eat a sandwich. Or meatloaf, whatever. Also I don’t live in a crypt, not year-round anyway. We do have one up by the lake but it’s more of a getaway home than anything else, we call it The Cabin. We spend most of the year in a regular old two-bedroom urn.

The undead have gotten a tremendous beating in the press for a long time now, and it’s completely unfair. I know several vampires who are upstanding members of the state legislature, and they’re in the clergy and they’re very well-liked. Few people know that some very famous people with tremendous philanthropic tendencies were of this persuasion, Florence Nightengale for instance, she was a werewolf, and you may not know this, but the Mummy did a lot of charity work, he was a lovely guy, he’d stagger around to orphanages and such and, you know, juggle…juggle his head…keep the kids happy.

The Monolators: Any final thoughts?

Hotchkiss: Oh goodness, no, none whatsoever.

To vote, please visit http://detour.laweekly.com/byob/vote/. You may vote once per day from your computer; voting ends on September 18.

An interview with “Quaking Aspen” Hotchkiss, pt. 1

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 22:38:00 +0000

In recognition of our position in the Detour Festival polls, we have decided to hire a new campaign strategist to help us clinch victory (or at least fondle it from afar): the well-known “Great Retreater” of Second Flippant War, retired Rear Army Major-General Phillip “Quaking Aspen” Hotchkiss.

Today I present an interview with the General, in which he outlines his plan of attack. The interview was conducted remotely, via tin can telephone, from the General's bunker in the West Indies.

The Monolators: Welcome, General.

Hotchkiss: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

The Monolators: I wonder if you could brief us on your prior experience in campaigns of this kind.

Hotchkiss: Well, of course, I started off as a simple doughboy in the Aleutians, and was there at that famous charge by Teddy Roosevelt that ultimately lead to the annexation of the Thousand Islands, where they make the salad dressings.

The Monolators: Was this a battle of great strategic importance?

Hotchkiss: Yes, yes, yes, because of course at the time, when you went into a restaurant and you ordered a salad, all you could get was a simple vinaigrette, or at most spicy Italian, so gaining control of all of those wonderful creamy dressing resources was a major factor in this country's ascendancy to world power status.

The Monolators: And can you describe your strategy for this particular poll-based campaign?

Hotchkiss: Yes, well my strategy is now, and has always been, what I like to call "total surrender." When I came on board here and saw the hopelessness of the situation against the enemy, I immediately recommended groveling, coupled with an intense bombardment of despair and a rear-guard action of pointless sobbing. But then I was informed that, er, surrender isn't really an option in the case of a public opinion poll, so I've decided to expand the front and see if there's anyone else we can aim our groveling towards. Perhaps lizards.

The Monolators: So you see no hope of victory?

Hotchkiss: No hope whatsoever. All I see is a bleak future of absolute defeat, filled with the crushing blow of fruity tropical drinks and semi-naked native girls. For me.

The Monolators: But what about the young people who are the ones actually voting, what about their future?

Hotchkiss: I think the future for the young people of today is a rosy one. They're much more open-minded and curious about new experiences than when I was a young man, which is a very good thing indeed, because that does mean they are more likely to go to bed with me. Which, for a man of my age, isn't something you can take for granted.

The Monolators: And how old are you?

Hotchkiss: 125 or thereabouts. I'd have to saw off a leg and count the growth rings to know for sure.

The Monolators: To what do you attribute your extraordinary longevity?

Hotchkiss: Electricity. I consume it in the form of a pudding, which is prepared for me by secret means by my manservant, The Mystic One. I also wear special shoes.

The Monolators: So, just to sum up, you don't think my band could possibly win, do you?

Hotchkiss: Band?

The Monolators: I see. Thank you very much.

Hotchkiss: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

To vote, please visit http://detour.laweekly.com/byob/vote/. You may vote once per day from your computer; voting ends on September 18.

Oh my.

noreply@blogger.com (Eli Monolator) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 19:02:00 +0000

We have somehow moved into 3rd place. *looks confused*